I Wasn’t That Kind of Drinker — Until I Was
I’ve never been one to share deeply personal things on social media. Posting date night pics from a restaurant? Sure. Sharing my kids’ activities and chaos? Absolutely. But opening up about real struggles? Not really my thing.
Still, if sharing this helps inspire even one person, then it’s worth every word.
90 days ago, I had my last drink.
No champagne toast. No dramatic rock bottom. Just a quiet decision — to finally be done.
I never really considered myself an alcoholic. When I pictured that word, I imagined someone who was constantly drunk, jobless, passed out by noon, or completely checked out from life and parenting.
That wasn’t me.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
An alcoholic isn’t just the person in the movies drinking whiskey at 10 a.m.
It’s also someone who:
- Drinks more than they meant to (every. single. time). → Yep, that was me.
- Tries to cut back but life says, “LOL, try again.” → Me again.
- Starts needing alcohol before any social interaction. → Check.
- Drinks while doing laundry, dishes, or just trying to quiet the chaos. → Also me. 100% me.
“They” call it Alcohol Use Disorder — I call it a toxic relationship. And believe me, I’ve had my share of those.
Alcohol wasn’t just an occasional drink with friends or something to toast with during the holidays.
It became my go-to for stress, sadness, celebration, boredom, anxiety, Taco Tuesday — or really any day that ended in “y.” It was always part of the picture.
And the worst part?
I didn’t even realize how much I was leaning on it… until it felt impossible to go without it.
I was still functioning. Still showing up. Still being “fine”.
But the truth?
I was unhappy.
Unhappy with myself.
Unhappy with life in general.
Earlier this year, Travis and I went on a vacation to Mexico to celebrate a few birthdays with family. The drinking started at the Atlanta airport on the day of departure and didn’t stop for me.
Breakfast? Drinks. Lunch? Drinks. Pool time? Drinks. Breathing? Might as well have a drink.
During that trip, I made a promise to myself: I’d give up liquor.
I had a good, supportive man by my side, and I didn’t want to ruin that with my drinking habits. I also wanted to rebuild a healthier work/life balance — my girls were used to seeing me almost every night, glued to a screen, working late with a drink in hand.
But while I gave up liquor, I leaned even harder on everything else: beer, wine, hard seltzers… basically anything but liquor.
And then — 90 days ago — I said goodbye to it all.
I put myself and my family in a situation that should’ve never happened.
Thankfully, things turned out okay — but I didn’t take that for granted.
Instead, I took it as a wake-up call.
A chance to do better.
To be better.
I was embarrassed. I was ashamed.
Not just by what happened — but by the fact that the people who love me most were disappointed too.
And that feeling?
I never want to feel it again.
I believe everything happens for a reason.
Did I drink the next day?
I did. I gave myself a day or two to throw my own pity party.
But then I said: Enough is enough.
I’m still figuring it out. Still growing. Still healing.
And let’s be honest — in the moment, it’s so much easier to choose the thing that brings instant comfort instead of making the hard choice that helps you feel better in the long run.
But since I quit drinking, things changed:
- I feel better.
- I’m more mindful of what and when I eat.
- My overall health has improved.
- And my mind? It’s finally starting to clear.
I wouldn’t be here without my people — My girls, who remind me every day what real strength looks like, even when they don’t know they’re doing it.
And Travis — the most patient, kind-hearted man I’ve ever known — who showed up for me with love while I was still learning how to show up for myself.
They are my rock, my reasons, and my constant reminder of why this choice matters.
This journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s been real.
I may have been lowkey losing it for a while…
But now?
I’m slowly learning how to lowkey find myself again — one day at a time.
And for the first time in a long time…
I feel like I’m really here.